Single doesn't always mean you're ready to mingle
I was getting a manicure in Columbia, S.C., on Monday while I waited for my flight to Shreveport. Trying to make conversation with my friend and I, the first question the lady asked was, "Are you single?"
My friend answered no and explained that she had a boyfriend. Then the woman looked at me, and I declared my singlehood. The woman gave a polite smile that made me feel mildly pathetic. As I sat there, waiting on my nails to dry, I thought to myself, "Why do I have to explain my singleness? Why is it viewed as pathetic to be almost 26 and to have no prospects for a mate? Why is it never viewed as a choice to be single instead of a miserable waiting game I'm being forced to play?"
Most of my college friends married just after graduation. Either they have children or they are expecting. When we reunite, they check my left ring finger to see if anything has changed. When my bare finger is exposed, I'm then grilled about who I'm dating. When I say, "nada," then comes the set-up, "I have the perfect guy for you to meet." No matter how content I may feel, my singleness is never viewed as a positive thing. Instead, it's looked at as a problem that someone must fix.
After reading today's Life section in USA Today, I notice I'm not the only one dealing with the pressure. The story suggest that now is the best time to be single, despite the stigma that still exists. Here's some tidbits from today's article.
My friend answered no and explained that she had a boyfriend. Then the woman looked at me, and I declared my singlehood. The woman gave a polite smile that made me feel mildly pathetic. As I sat there, waiting on my nails to dry, I thought to myself, "Why do I have to explain my singleness? Why is it viewed as pathetic to be almost 26 and to have no prospects for a mate? Why is it never viewed as a choice to be single instead of a miserable waiting game I'm being forced to play?"
Most of my college friends married just after graduation. Either they have children or they are expecting. When we reunite, they check my left ring finger to see if anything has changed. When my bare finger is exposed, I'm then grilled about who I'm dating. When I say, "nada," then comes the set-up, "I have the perfect guy for you to meet." No matter how content I may feel, my singleness is never viewed as a positive thing. Instead, it's looked at as a problem that someone must fix.
After reading today's Life section in USA Today, I notice I'm not the only one dealing with the pressure. The story suggest that now is the best time to be single, despite the stigma that still exists. Here's some tidbits from today's article.
- "It's probably the best moment for singles in our history ... because of the attitudes of popular support and the numbers." -- Pat Palmieri, a social historian at Teachers College at Columbia University, who is writing a history of singles in America since 1870.
- Young adults are delaying marriage and have a longer life expectancy, experts say.
- "Most people who are single seem to want to eventually be married. But they're putting it off. In the past, there just weren't that many single, young adults supporting themselves. It's a new phenomenon, post-1960, and getting stronger every day."
posted by Stephanie Netherton at 11:24 AM
12 Comments:
Ha, I don't think premarital sex is any more popular. It's just more acceptable. The only difference is back then people weren't screaming the details of their sex lives from the rooftops like they are today.
Oh, I forget how old you are and that you were born in the 60's.
Sue asked me the other day: "Kate, why are you not dating anyone?" Thanks Sue!
Sammy, I look good for my age don't I?
Kate, sorry about the sue comment. You know what's worse? When they say? "What about ____?" That's the absolute worst.
Were you going to say "What about Brian?" If so... I love that show. If not... nevermind.
http://www.nomarriage.com/valentines.html
Hey girls - quit whining; it doesn't work on us anymore.
Walter,
You think this is a tactic to pity men into dating? I think that's the opposite of what I'm saying here.
Hahaha... who would want to be forced into dating someone... sounds like the ideal relationship. Everyone just needs to calm down.
Kate, I love how you play the voice of reason on this blog. I think you've done that twice this week!
Hey Steph! You know, I've been around a little longer than you and have seen some people - men and women - do nasty things to each other in the name of relationship; hearts broken, tenderness scorched and affection withheld. As I've experienced such matters myself, I had originally wanted to draft a harsh response bemoaning women's skillfulness at manipulation and how men are mercilessly abused at the hand of female counterparts eagerly wielding weapons of society's sympathy, biased law and general vengefulness. But you know what? It's a blog and that's not going to help anyone, really, so I'm going to skip that entirely.
Suffice it to say though, that if you're truly incomplete, lost and starved from the nourishing male dynamic that not even chocolate or new shoes can surpass, then you must actively engage us as men, let your intent be clear and understand that it's not all about you. Be friendly and open to new things, because when we give a little - we get a little....and...isn't....equality...what we...all...cherish (pause for effect)?
Walter,
Once again, I feel the point of this post has been missed, and this will be my last comment regarding this subject. I'm not trying to sound out as poor pathetic me. What I was saying is actually the opposite of what you think I'm saying. I'm fine with being single. And this post was not an attempt to manipulate anyone into dating me. In fact, most of the people who comment on here are friends of mine.
You've given me far too much credit by saying I wrote this out of my "women's skillfulness at manipulation." And on the other side of the coin, something can be said for being guarded.
Stephanie---
You have manipulated your way into my heart with your love of Steinbeck. As you can tell, he's my favorite as well(or maybe you just thought my screen name was a HUGE coincidence) Do you have a favorite characer from EofE? I fashion myself a Sam Hamilton man, not too many worldly possessions, but what I have I appreciate, and I like to think that when people have problems they come to me for a little help and a little laugher. I think Walter would be the type that would fall for Kate. Any opinions. . .
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